Does anyone remember what a peck basket looks like? That is the basket I am talking about.
**********************************Warning! Nurse's Notes! Don't read if you don't want to...it is real and sad!****************************************
These little tags are from crash carts. When someone has a cardiopulmonary arrest, we rush to get the crash cart, full of drugs and iv fluids, and try to resuscitate the person. These little tags always get flung on the floor. They are kind of the last number assigned to that patient, you know? Like social security and driver's license numbers, etc. I have no idea why but I always pick them up and put them in my pocket.
On Monday, I walked in, and my patient was coding. I forgot to clock in, and just flung my bag down and started CPR. We coded him for 39 minutes straight...and it was obviously futile. Before he coded, he got on the phone with his wife and told her, "This is last time I will talk with you. I love you and our kids...please tell them." He knew...he knew. Finally the doc called it and said stop. The night nurse fled...just took off, I guess emotionally she just could not handle anymore. I bathed his body, talked to him, changed linens and his gown, got his wife in there and facilitated them to have time together...and then when she was ready, I called the funeral home. When the funeral home came, they said they are totally full with covid deaths and are renting space to store bodies. WOW....they were so nice, but that shocked me.
This week is the first time in my nursing career that I have thought...maybe this is not what I want to do anymore. It is just so very stressful in the wards...so many doctors and techs and nurses are sick with covid...it is frightening to walk in there. I pray before each shift...I have to fill out a questionnaire before every shift: "Are you febrile, do you have a cough, have you lost your sense of taste, do you have body aches...etc." So on and so on. Then I have to have my temperature taken, which always show 97.2 for every single person, and then I am certified to work that day only. Then we all have to have our temp taken at noon with a real thermometer which shows a real temp, not just 97.2. I have no idea why we have started this now, this month, after all, this pandemic started in February, in my neck of the woods! I think it was mandated by the state.
The doctors say it is like swimming in " Covid Soup." I have not gotten sick so far, but my co-workers have, and some of them are VERY sick. I am quite healthy overall, but it still gives me pause.
I try and think of other things when I am off work...cleaning and laundry and sorting and donating and quilts and lawn care and family stuff and prayer. I get very nervous before I have to go in for my shifts in a row, now. They are now mandating overtime, and we cannot refuse to go in when the hospital calls us...we got a letter from the state board of nursing, saying this, and also from our hospital.
It creeps in...I have not gone out to a restaurant since February, yet my quilting group locally is going out twice a month. All elderly people, some in their 90's!! I will absolutely NOT go until this is under control, since I might make them sick, because I work in the Covid soup! I am not sick, but I don't know what is on my purse, etc, even though I clean everything like a mad fiend. It perturbs me and makes me worry about them...then I thought, this is a symptom...you are not perturbed at them, you are perturbed at the virus and it's impact on YOU!! So I don't know...I wish they would stay home, but they don't work in health care, and don't understand, and are very lonesome, so I cannot blame them for wanting to get together.
Thanks for listening, and I wish I could take a sabbatical, and go hike around somewhere in the mountains and camp by a stream, and hand quilt, and just forget the stupid virus for a while. There is a name for this: COVID FATIGUE!
The scary thing is...some people get more vigilant! Some people get so relaxed they don't even wear their mask anymore...even one doctor...I have to get after him almost everyday! (he is a young guy, so I can get away with it). And guess what...he has covid now!
And guess what! I got in trouble with my boss for not clocking in, the day of the code! sigh.......................
No more whining! On with the fun stuff!!
Julie
38 comments:
Thank you for sharing - all of this. The quilt is beautiful and a treasured gift. The virus stories...we are all experiencing this one way or another, but know that I appreciate your overtime and kindness and willingness to be there. I know it is scary. I work in retail, an "essential employee" and have just recently debating leaving. It is doable, and it seems every day another danger is presented. Dangers that should not necessarily be present, as you have with the young doc and no mask. Dangers that make me wonder if that social contact I desired in "retirement" is worth it. So I understand your debate about leaving your carreer, too. We are all tired and I am hopeful the vaccine is all the researchers want it to be. (I'm waiting for the scientists to decide, being a science geek myself!) I think of you often when I hear about the scary hospital situations everywhere and hope you, and all the others caring for us, stay safe.
I was just so saddened reading your Nurse's Notes this time. You are such a diligent nurse and I applaud you for all you do on your shift to aid each patient in whatever way you can. Even this time tho it was an act of paying respect to this person when life had left him. How deeply kind of you. There is no way I can fathom what your nursing world is truly like these days, but I have a physician brother and do get a bit of a glimpse of what the day-to-day experiences are. I admire you so very much and know that you are so admired and respected. --- and on quilty note, would you sorta show how you made the hot mats from the slivers? I think you have shown a few in the past, too. Great idea for all those slivers......and I do just add them to a large glass jar to admire all the pretty colors and prints. Carol in Flower Mound
What a wonderful kind heart you have. In such a time as this...we hear that so often, a time as this where people who are deemed essential are striving their very best to create some quality ti life as well as respect in death. Thank you for your dedication. I will continue to pray for our doctors and nurses, orderlies, cleaning people who shoulder so much of this pandemic's chaos. Weariness has caused you to doubt your calling at this time but through your blog you have always expressed how vital nursing is to your being. May you continue doing what is best for yourself knowing that whatever you decide will be the right decision for you. Hopefully the vaccine will bring a respite from this virus and all can return to some sense of normalcy. Be safe, be well and may blessing abound for you.
Dotti in CT
Thank you for sharing your stories. I read every one of them. My mother was a nurse and even she figured out when I was young that I didn't have the aptitude for it. I don't really like people all that much. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes operational type person but I really admire people that do what you do. I have a nurse friend here that works at a hospital here and the stories she tells are crazy. Recently she had a lady come in and bring all her illegal drugs with her and then get mad when my friend had to take them and turn them over to the sheriff. She works the night shift so she always has stories!
I'm glad you got to come home to that beautiful quilt one day! Well deserved.
Hugs - big virtual ones. I worry about you and hope you can stay safe. Such scary times for all of us - but especially for nurses and doctors.
What a beautiful gifted quilt all the way from Australia! Glad it added some cheer to your day. Those heartbreaking codes surely drain your energy, and the worsening Covid numbers are very scary—I can only imagine how frightening it is to work in the soup! You’ve been doing it so long, and fighting every day is clearly beyond difficult. Your grateful patients I hope brighten your days. Our hearts are with you!
Dear Sweet Julie, I have tears in my eyes and heart on reading your nurse's notes. Please, please be vigilant at all times. You are so so special to all. Hugs and love Binsa aka Lyn
Julie-
You are so amazing! I don't know how you keep going but I know many are so thankful you do. I am sure it is hard to go to work each day. I am so thankful that you share your beautiful creations and you share what is on your heart. We love it all. Know that each person you help is why you are there. They need you and they are thankful for you. I will be more diligent to pray for you for protection and strength. Glad you are able to do the mystery. I just finished sewing part 2 today myself. I still have to iron part 1 and 2. Can't wait until Friday! K- lkw2x6-apq@yahoo.com
I am so moved by your Nurse comments, my son works for the NHS here in the UK and it is such a worrying time, hold strong and we will get through this. Prayer will certainly help. England started the vaccine program two days ago so I hope you get it, where ever you are, soon. Stay safe and thank you for your service.
Thank you for all that you do. I, too, was a nurse, a school nurse. I cannot imagine how you feel going to work every day with all of the stress! My thoughts and prayers are with you and all of the caregivers that are working so hard to take care of us. Stay strong and stay safe. This will all be over one day. The vaccine is here and we will overcome this!! ❤️👍
OMG Julie. I write this with tears in my eyes. I cannot put myself in your shoes. In comparison my life is pretty safe. Your contribution to nursing is heartfelt. Our world needs more caring people like you. We live in challenging times. But don't forget to look after yourself. Sending you socially distant hugs.
I come from a long line of nurses (stretching back to the 1920s), but my mom discouraged me from nursing because of the long thankless hours. she loves being a nurse. I am in a related field but for the first time I do not regret not working in the hospital. My little family stays home, once a week shopping (for which I have to work up my nerves to go), no other contact, because I don't want to be the body in the rented truck or be the cause of some other person being the body in the rented truck. On a brighter note I love the quilt and the cute bag! What a special friend!
I feel your pain and thank God everyday for being retired from nursing. I got burned out from being mandated into exhaustion. The final straw was being written up for "spending too much time with patients". I refused to sign the reprimand and instead gave my notice.
Quilting, beach walks, being outside has healed me from the loss of my nursing career.
I can understand your pain and wanting out while feeling under appreciated and over worked.
Happy Sewing and give thanks for friends sending special gifts just when you need them the most. So sorry Julie for what you are going through.
Dear Julie ……. I don't think you know how special you are. If ever I were sick it is you I would want by my side. Unfortunately, compassion and empathy are not widespread, but you have it by the buckets full. Your words brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart. I'm so very weary of this sickness and the state of our country that some days I can barely hang on. Hope the upcoming vaccine is the answer to our prayers and provide the needed respite to this horrible virus and fugue we find ourselves in. Take care - I will keep you in my prayers. Terry
I think of you a lot when I hear nurses' stories. I'm sure the family of that man was appreciative in their own way. Should I be in this situation I'd want you as my nurse.One of the hospitals I worked in did not have friendly employee processes normally, and the punishments for being sick were ridiculous. I can understand your frustration. Please take care and do what's right for you.
That is a beautiful quilt that your friend sent to you. As I was reading your blog, that was my first thought and I thought that would be my only comment. But after reading your Nurse's Notes, I need to tell you that there are many, many of us that appreciate your work and what you do. Thank you for sharing. If more people knew what is really going on, they might be more diligent in not only their own safety, but the safety of others. Thanks for sharing.
Julie, Thank you for sharing and thank you for being a nurse. I want to hear from you, who are on the frontlines!!!!! I love you and I would love to meet you someday in Pearson!!!!! Just to give you a big HUG!!!!
Asa retired nurse, I read your blog post and my mind went back to the first months of the AIDS virus. Everybody died. Young men, hemophiliacs, people who had received transfusions...everybody died. I remember each patient's struggle and slow demise. We didn't know what was happening and wore all the PPE you are using now. It was the scariest nd saddest time in my career. I feel your anguish and exhaustion. The ignorance of some people who deny the virus exists or that people have died boggles my mind and is an insult to everyone who is taking the virus seriously. Thank you for your continued dedication and your fortitude when taking care of your patients. I gave up when my body couldn't take it anymore. All the lifting and moving patients took its toll. Take care of yourself, and I sincerely hope you get that day next to a lake, sewing and napping in the sunshine. Thank you!
Julie, you and all health care workers (doctors, nurses, CNAs, right on down to hospital custodians) are such as inspiration. You're in my thoughts and prayers every day.
Thank you, Julie, for your continuing dedication. Your nurse's notes are a strong and scary reminder this is not going anywhere anytime soon.
Thank you for all you do. I look for your nurse's notes when I read your blog. As a retired lab tech, I can imagine some of it. We all hope the vaccine is the answer. Thanks again for the good care you give the patients and their families. We are so grateful for our quilting in these times.
Sometimes, at the darkest hour, when all strikes are against you, someone sends you a quilted masterpiece! You are loved. I am so glad that you didn’t clock in ( but I hope you get paid anyway). Administrators in many fields can start to feel that the clients get in the way of the smooth running of the business. You made the least wrong choice in a situation with no right choices. You’re really good at that! ........ I find it difficult, when I am following COVID recommendations and being so careful, to watch a subset of my neighbors hosting reunions and parties and having so much fun together. It would be easier to stay home lonely if everyone else were doing it too. You are in a position to see what is actually happening. I have always appreciated your nurse’s notes. Whatever you decide to do about your career, you have my complete support. Hugs.
Julie, I don't comment often, but I read all your posts and enjoy your blog. THANK YOU for sharing your nursing life as well as your quilting life! I'm so glad your friend sent you that gorgeous quilt; you deserve it! And it has inspired me to send a quilt to a friend who is an ICU nurse in California. We've sort of fallen out of touch but I want her to know that I truly value what all medical people are doing for all of the rest of us. Your work is so, so hard and so, so important. Thanks for the kick in the pants to get this quilt sent off :)
what a beautiful quilt you got! A true treasure! You work so hard to keep others safe and alive you deserve to be rewarded. I remember to take 2 vitamin D3 every day, since we don't get much sunshine here in winter, and I have heard that it helps ward off the covid! Prayers for your safety!
I'm so sorry friend. it does sound extremely stressful. I know loneliness is also taking a toll on people. In Central Oregon we have had almost as many suicides as covid deaths. That is very scary. I hope we get through this spike soon!
That quilt must have felt like a big hug from Australia! XOXO
Beautiful quilt you received, and well deserved. Sorry about the Covid fatigue. Thank goodness I only have one client (home health worker). He and his family are super careful, and so am I.
I can't think of anyone who deserves that gorgeous quilt all the way from Australia more than you!
Breaks my heart to hear the stress you are under because of this crazy virus, and the ridiculous reprimand for taking care of a coding patient rather than clocking in!!
You are a natural at nursing, because you have such a caring heart--but everyone has limits and this virus is certainly pushing wonderful healthcare workers to the edge. I pray for you regularly, Julie, and I hope you feel God's hand in your life!
I'm sending you a hug and a thank-you, with tears in my eyes! I don't know why people are being so heedless. They may not care if they get ill, but they should care about all the medical workers. My daughter and son-in-law are physicians, and I worry about them. My niece's husband works in a county health department, and has been getting threats. Take care, dear Julie. Dot
Thank you for sharing your experience with this dreadful virus. You are working so hard; I can’t imagine the stress and the toll this is taking on you. My older daughter is a geriatric health care worker in a home for women with dementia. So far they have not had COVID but it has greatly impacted their work place in a stressful way, and her work was already stressful enough.
I really like your idea for trivets with the leftovers.
Good luck to you!
Dear Julie, so sad, but thank you for sharing.
Still something really great, your gifted quilt. Congratulations. It is a beauty.
Oh my friend XOXO
Your boss needs a heart quilt as he/she obviously also have covid stress and have forgotten what is important!
I'm so happy that a generous quilter sent you a lovely quilt to wrap yourself up in!
You are a gem and the world appreciates all your efforts!
This week has been hard for me at work too... so much suffering and trauma (except for the people who are still partying who don't understand they are the problem, and haven't yet suffered!)
I adore your scrappy hot mats!
Stay well and keep stitching!
But, were your white boards filled out?
An institution that requires overtime must be shamed that they discipline anyone for jumping into a code before clocking in.
And, as outraged as I am with that, I also am not surprised by that response. In fact, I called it when you said "On Monday, I walked in, and my patient was coding. I forgot to clock in, and just flung my bag down and started CPR." I knew it was coming. I knew it would be at the end of your post.
What is wrong with them, and why was this so predictable?
Let me take some of your anger today!
Looking for Joy this third Sunday of advent.
Oh, Girl, you are lucky with that gifted quilt! A beauty for sure!
Please send me your address so I can send you a card.
I absolutely love your blue quilt! And what a gift you received in the quilt. Such a generous hug from across the world.
I’m sorry that you were reprimanded for doing your job. Sometimes people get caught up in the minutiae and forget the big picture.
As for covid fatigue and going out - I get upset with those who say they’re fed up with being cooped up. They go out like it’s normal times - it is not! We’ve been staying in for the most part. We go out for things but it’s short trips. We don’t gather with friends or family. My chiropractor thinks we’ve forgotten “personal choice” but he’s forgotten that we’re also responsible for those around us! Thank you for all you do as a nurse. It is a hard and necessary job and appreciated by your patients! Hugs and prayers!
I do not understand why some people do not understand the seriousness of this virus.
I will include you in my prayers that you continue to have strength to do your very important job. Thank you.
catching up on posts..........I enjoy your nurse notes......covid sure is taking it's toll in your country....stay strong and take some time for yourself if you have too to keep going........hugs
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