Tuesday, February 14, 2023

A great loss of a small baby (Our Rosie poodle)


I have been making progress on this quilt, which is unexpected and very squirrel-ish in nature.  I had no idea I was going to make this quilt, and then?  There I was, making it.  That border was tricky, I must say.


All the patterns are here.



I received my Quiltville mystery quilt back from the quilter!  Hurrah!!!  I have the binding on...just need to sew it down, and it will be a wrap on the mystery.  

Or will it really be a wrap?  I cut out another mystery quilt!!!  Different fabrics...here I go again!!  Same pattern...way different look.



Ukraine is on my mind, and I made another little quilt with their flag colors.



I planted tomato seeds five days ago, and wow!  They are springing right up!!





Rosie on the Dear Jane quilt.
Rosie on my plaid scrappy Jewel Box quilt.


Rosie on the apple core quilt.


And Rosie on the mini bear paw quilt.  All these pictures have been taken through the years.  

Rosie is gone from this life.  Here is a bit about her.  

******************************************************************

 01-30-2023

There comes a time when it is obvious there is no cure, and no treatment. When the drug or the knife can do no more good. When the relentless juggernaut of the dying body supplants the will of the mind to survive. When all hope is lost for this life, and hope arises for another one, after death. Comfort becomes important. Being clean, fed if able to eat, good things to drink, positioned for comfort because you cannot move, to have someone who loves you present to supply a calm, kind, loving voice; to be touched and held if that comforts you. All these are paramount now. Meds to ease suffering and pain, to promote sleep and rest, and to ease the anxiety of the unknown.


You may think I am telling my hospice nurse story, and yes, that is true, but this is the story of a different kind of hospice...the one for my dog, Rosie. Rosie came tripping into our life many years ago, a stray, dumped in the neighborhood; discarded, uncared for, ungroomed, covered with six inch long matted, muddy poodle hair and full of brambles and weeds, covering a famished, starving little body and a will of pure twisted steel. It was love at first sight for me.


After fresh water, nourishing food, love, and a good grooming and vetting, who sat before me? A darling tiny poodle, most likely purebred, full of the fierce intelligence of the breed. Full of strength, honor, wisdom, a fierce devotion to me. She would always get between me and anyone at the door...and she would have died in a heartbeat, using all of her 15 pounds, defending me if needed, there is no doubt.
Full of play! Catch, fetch, running in circles and just full of fun. Down on her forelegs, bottom in the air, wagging so hard the air got out of her tail's way.


Full of love! She would launch herself into my arms when I came home from the day and liked nothing better than to be nestled close to me, being stroked and petted and told what a pretty girl she was. (For of course it is true)

Full of intelligence! She just knew. I never had to teach her a thing. She could do all the normal things...sit, fetch, stand up, come (only if she wanted to though!) ...all the tricks. But she also would take me to the bedroom, so she could be placed on the bed for her naps...to the door for potty time...she would tell me with a short bark. She just knows what I am saying and taught me what she wanted and needed.
Full of honor! Dignified and beautiful, too, in that way of dogs. An honorable person, with no spot on her character whatsoever.

A traveler! In the air on planes, in the truck...she just did wonderfully, and was such a joy.
And now? We are to this point. Hospice for the poodle doodle girl. Gently singing the poodle song to her..."Rosie Posie Pumpkin pie, you are the best girl in the world, in the world, in the world!"
The liver malfunction, Cushing's disease, insulin dependent diabetes, blindness from the diabetes and cataracts, hypertension, collapsing trachea with cough that does not seem to cease.... all have taken their toll, and now we are at the end of her life.

So? What does a nurse do? What does anyone who loves a dog as much as I do, do?? As many, many of you have done???
Love...presence...cleaning the patient...good food if wanted...cool water...strokes and holding...life review...and those meds to ease suffering...a gift for her that is wholly inadequate to the gifts she has given to me.
Tears for my loss. Tears for her suffering. They just don't stop, do they???
More as the journey goes along.

2-1-2023
Rosie just will not eat. Maybe a bite or two. I put a bit of baby food into a syringe and trickled it into her mouth, she seemed eager for it. She mostly sleeps. She enjoys being tucked in tight to my leg, as I sit on the couch.
2-2-2023
More of the same. A few wiggly tail moments, but mostly sleep, goes out to potty, and back. Drinking water like crazy (diabetes)
2-03-2023
Started her on megace, and she ate like a trouper. Later on in the day, she went into respiratory distress...a subtle increase in the respiratory rate. Then full-on rales, exp grunting and wheezes. Did she aspirate? Is this heart failure, or just her large liver crowding her stomach? Just heart breaking. Her final vet appointment is tomorrow, and I cannot, just cannot stop crying. It is now 1:40 AM, and I am bawling...she is asleep at last. I keep on checking her for respirations.
08:00 2-4-2023. Rosie had rapid respiration’s part of the night, interspersed with deep sleep. She will no longer take water or food, but went out to potty. We had a final vet appointment at 8 am. Rosie started have irregular respirations and a slowing heartbeat. She passed in my hands at 0800, right when her appointment was supposed to be. A huge part of my heart goes with her. She was my darling girl, and I grieve her loss. Dog moms know....my heart is broken.




And that is why I have not posted for a bit. Quilting brings me some solace, but I look for my baby everywhere, and she is just not there.




Julie






30 comments:

Libby in TN said...

"Sorry for your loss" seems hardly enough to say. It doesn't take much for a pet to invade one's heart.

Anonymous said...

I’m so sorry. They bring us such joy that the heartbreak is worth it but it is just so hard. God bless.

cityquilter grace said...

i'm bawling just reading it...so painful...such joyful memories...

Chantal said...

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It is so sad. :(( Sending good energy to help you through this tough time. Hugs. ;^)

Material Girl said...

I’m so terribly sorry. I have been through it more times than I want to remember and it still hurts me years later. It’s so true that the things that we love best hurt the most. I’m glad Rosie is at peace and I wish that for you too. Hugs!💕

Robin said...

So sorry and so sad. It sounds like you were a wonderful
dog/mom. So sympathetic and giving. Rosie was so lucky
to have you.

Sarah said...

Bless your heart! I have felt that pain xoxox

Michele Bilyeu said...

The loss of a beloved pet goes deep. They truly are a part of us, of a big part of our heart. After 73 years, I've lost dozens and dozens of pets and I've sobbed like a baby over each and every one of them. May your heart ease week by week, month by month from the deep seemingly unbearable loss. I am heartbroken for you because I can feel it, remember that particular longing for a sweet furry loved one that hurts so much to lose. Hugs hugs hugs ❤️

Astrid said...

I'm in tears after reading your post. So very sorry about your loss, I feel your pain. Rosie had the best home and best care. (((Hugs))) You are working on some pretty projects.

nestki said...

Buckets of tears. I am so sorry for your loss. My dog is pretty old so I am grateful to you for preparing me this way. Why do things have to change? Rosie was a Good Dog.

Katie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and all those who are grieving for sweet Rosie. She had a wonderful life with you.

Cheryl's Teapots2Quilting said...

I'm so sorry about Rosie. I've been there more than once (last time was my Katie puppy, who was my velcro dog). Try to remember the good times.

Nancy said...

Such beautiful quilts, Julie, but the biggest, saddest thing is losing your dear Rosie. My heart goes out to you. Our beloved pets take our hearts with them when they go, don't they? She had a great home with you and I know she'll be waiting at the bridge for a grand reunion!

Anonymous said...

Julie I am so sorry for the loss of Rosie. She was a very special dog.

Rose Marie said...

I'm sad for you and sad for Rosie .... you two were the perfect team!

Ellen said...

So very, very sorry about Rosie. All of us who care for pets know how leaving is so difficult.

Vicki W said...

I'm so sorry that you lost your dearest companion. You were both lucky to have each other.

Andra Ridout said...

So sorry for your loss. I have loved and lost many poodles in my life. 3 miniatures, a standard and now I have a rambunctious Sheepadoodle. He is my closest companion. He loves with his whole heart and being and that is so precious to me so I know how you are feeling. Loving thoughts sent your way!

Shepherdess55 said...

So sad to read of Rosie crossing the rainbow bridge. She was a treasure. Now your treasure will be memories of her.

loulee said...

Sorry for your loss. Rosie made a great quilt model. ((Hugs))

Kyle said...

Rosie filled your heart with unconditional love and now it will take time to fill the void. Your Rosie story was sweet and one of sadness. Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure I'm not the only one who cried while reading your post. Thanks for sharing.

Lori said...

Our sweet furry babies really leave a big hole in our life! I love it now when photo memories pop up with our Porter boy. Take care and feel the loss.

Janet O. said...

My dear, sweet friend, though I knew Rosie had passed, reading this post brought back the sadness of your loss to my heart. You have so much love in your heart, and give it so willingly--Rosie was very lucky to be the recipient of such love. And you were blessed by her companionship and love. Praying that you may be comforted in your grief.
And may I add that your quilts are beautiful--I can't believe that you are making another of the mystery !

Shirley said...

Oh Julie, so heartbreaking to see your beloved Rosie suffer so much before she passed, what a traumatic experience that must have been for you. I wish you lots of hugs from dear friends and family to comfort you. And hugs from me, from the Netherlands.

Anonymous said...

So very sad for your loss Julie, our loving faithful companions brighten our life in its darkest moments, we lose the light when they die. I hope your world resumes its brightness shortly, memories are precious and you gave her such a beautiful life to live to the full, what a great comfort you were to her. Precious hugs from Elaine in UK

Quilter Kathy said...

Oh Julie I'm so sorry for your loss. Rosie is such a blessing in your life - a miracle appearing out of nowhere to be your life companion and teacher. Sending you lots of hugs and hoping that quilting can stitch your heart back together XOXO

Julierose said...

I just received your hand cream and fabric and key fob--thank you so much Julie;)) It perked me up during this long, slow slog of Covid...;)))

I am really sorry that you've lost Rosie--our furry friends are part of the family--I hope your sweet memories of her will warm your heart...take care, stay safe and many thnaks...
hugs, Julierose

Wendy Caton Reed said...

Oh Julie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am sending comforting hugs from afar.

Elaine Adair said...

I am so sorry to hear of Rosies passing. It might be a small bit of satisfaction that she had you with her.

Puffins and purples!!

I was tempted by Puffins...a squirrelly breed!!  LOL!  This fabric was shared with me, and I have been loved these bright, candy corn colors...